Thanksgiving Weekend Recovery

12 steps to recovery...

1. I admitted I had several problems: a torrid, on-going love affair with food and a crazy shopping addiction that would have me out at 3 a.m.

2. I am a true believer that caffeine can truly restore my sanity.

3. I am turning my life over to the gym so as to lose this fat ass and the 20 pounds I gained this weekend. Whoever said turkey was healthy is a damn liar.

4. I have 'inventoried' myself and have basically come to grips with the fact that there is a whole lotta inventory goin' on here. That 'inventory' has mostly settled in my ass, thighs and upper arms. All this to show and I didn't have an ounce of dessert on Thanksgiving, what the hell?

5. I admitted my Black Friday sins to my Hubby before he checked the bank balance so he didn't freak the fuck out. Most of the shit I got was for him so this softened the blow.

Y'all should know by now that I have neither the time nor inclination to make it through 12 full steps! My attention span pretty much gives out at 5. The bottom line is that I survived eating copious amounts of turkey and staying up for almost 24 hours straight due to Black Friday shopping and have lived to tell about it.

Lessons learned...

1. The tryptophan in turkey doesn't make me tired. The over eating until I freakin' want to explode does.

2. The cooking marathon the day after Thanksgiving is just as exhausting as the cooking you do for the holiday. Tearing up that damn carcass and making everything under the sun with it is tiring. My freezer and fridge are the proud holders of gumbo, pot pie, stock, noodle soup, turkey salad, enchiladas - pretty much any dish I could turkey-ize. And why, yes, turkey-izing is a real process. I'm so over the bird.

3. Waking up in the middle of the night and consuming large amounts of caffeine on an empty stomach only serves to make you want to puke your guts out by about 8 a.m.ish. A gigantic breakfast burrito can cure this.

4. People who shop at Walmart are crazy. I had an inkling about this prior to Black Friday but am now a true believer. (And no, I am not on the shop at Walmart list, I went for a friend. Oh, and there is totally an official list.) You should see the way these people went ballistic over those 3 dollar pajamas.

5. The people that WORK at Walmart are way effin' crazier than the ones who shop there. It's like they got a batch of local carnies to work the Black Friday sale. If I had a dime for every time one of them said, "YOU CANNOT TOUCH THAT UNTIL 5 A.M.!" I would be as rich as Sam Walton himself. Well, as his family. RIP, old Sammy!

I better stop at 5 on this list too. Two lists in one post? Holy shit, no more list posts for a while. Hold me to it. I've almost managed to annoy myself.