Mama's Amazing Moments

Ah, parenting...

For some reason, my son seems so much older this weekend. I am not sure what it is that is making me feel this way, but I now see a much bigger boy where all I used to see was a baby. (A three foot tall baby, but still, MY baby.) He's learned some new phrases at school and the inflections in his voice are just different. Older, more mature.

This has caused me to stop and totally take pause and look back on my mommy career. I got to thinking and there are some pretty amazing mommy moments that one has in the first four years. This list includes but is not limited to:

• The distance one can shoot breast milk straight from the tap. Who knew?
• Finding out that all those baby 'sleep' books that say your child needs 10-12 hours of sleep a night are FULL OF SHIT.
• Realizing that you are THOSE parents. The ones that you talked merciless shit about before you had children.
• In an instant you can turn into White Trash Super Mom while dining at a friend's house who has perfectly behaved children as you constantly have to deal with your feral child. No wonder why you don't get invited back, hey?
• Realizing that your baby will not die when he takes his first drink of soda or non-organic vegetables.
• That you have spent more on your child's first birthday party than your parents ever spent on all of your birthday parties growing up. Birthday parties are fucking expensive.
• That you had no idea that you would start planning your kid's aforementioned birthday party like a year ahead of time. And even have ideas for years to come.
• Wondering why the hell your child waits until your entire family bikes to the local park and then announces that he has to take a crap. Then, when you get home, he naturally doesn't have to take a crap anymore.
• Realizing that potty training a boy is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be before you start doing it. Those are just intimidation tactics, I swear.
• How tough the soles of your feet get over time. After stepping on your 500th Lego or 100th plastic dinosaur, you barely even flinch.
• Realizing that everyone assumes you can't possibly be happy with just one child.
• And that bitching about that one child to your mother completely falls on deaf ears cause she's had way more. To my credit, she has said that she never had one like him though.
• Inevitably, you will catch glimpses of both of your own parents in yourself every now and then despite all the lip service you give about never being like them.
• Watching your kid run and kick stuff all the time and thinking that it would be a good idea to sign him up for soccer only to realize that he doesn't want to kick shit and run around on THOSE terms.
• Wondering how your son can spend a full 30 minute swim lesson under the water and then have a fucking conniption fit about washing his hair and water getting his eyes in the bathtub.
• Listening to your kid rattle off dinosaur names or recite entire television shows but then being dumbfounded that he can't memorize a simple command such as "Brush your teeth" or "Go potty before we leave" or "Get dressed". If I had a dime for every...
• Saying that you'd never be a parent who yells and then realizing that yes, you are a parent who yells. Primarily because your kid is so friggin' loud, you need to yell to even be heard in the first place. Yelling is the new talking at our house, folks.
• Spinning around in a tizzy, reciting, "It could be worse, he could be twins" over and over again.
• Being able to find the funny in your child showing off his inner Picasso on his bedroom walls with markers.
• Realizing that your child won't starve to death if he doesn't eat his dinner one night. Or if he has cookies for dinner another night.
• Knowing that as annoying as it is to hear your kid singing "We all live on a yellow submarine" over and over (AND OVER) your life would be so empty if you never heard it again.

Obviously, this list can go on and on and will continue to grow. He's growing up so fast and I can't stand it, folks!