I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends

I recently went to see the movie Julie & Julia with some girlfriends (ironic since this post is about women and friendships.) At one point in the movie Julie is sitting with her girlfriend and husband and makes the remark that she "hates" one of her other girlfriends and asks them if it is normal. Her girlfriend immediately assures her that it is completely normal. Her husband, however, says that he doesn't 'hate' any of his friends. Both women agree that he just doesn't understand and that men are just different.

For some reason, this part in the movie totally stuck out to me. I totally understood this. I can come back from being with a girlfriend (or group of girlfriends) for the day or an evening and totally bitch to my husband about how said girlfriend drives me flippin' crazy. The way she does this, the way she says that, I can't believe she did this, etc... But, lo and behold, I'm hanging out with her the next weekend. My husband, on the other hand is cut and dry: he doesn't hang out with people he doesn't like. He won't seek the company of someone who drives him batty. Period. End of story. In fact, most guys I know are like this.

I have never been one to have a lot of female friends. In part, when I was younger, because I was a tomboy. (Note: still a tomboy.) But from my gathered experiences, I think that once you get too many women in one place, drama will ensue. It just does, good or bad, drama just happens. It doesn't always have to be a major catastrophe but there's always something, I swear. I even have a vow that I will NEVER work another job with female supervisor again in life. (Unless I'm the supervisor and I am totally getting to bitch everyone around.) I've had several jobs where the head honcho was a female and both sucked donkey balls.

When I got pregnant, it dawned on me that everyone in my immediate circle of friends was at a very different place in life - most single or married with no children. I connected with some women in a local Mother's Club and I have to tell you - this is the most female friends I've ever had in my life! If you would have asked me prior to having a kid if I would have been caught dead in a Mother's Club, well, you can probably guess the answer: a resounding HELL NO. And, as I stated before, drama ensues. I've gotten good things, great things even, out of the club and made lasting friendships for both myself and my son, but generally, I've also gotten a lot of drama.

Getting back to my point, because there really is a point... Why do women put up with so much more in friendships than men?

I know one thing that I encounter is that social circles overlap, especially in a small town. Everyone knows everyone and you share a circle of friends, and while you may like 9 out of the 10, it's not worth the static/drama to cut ties with the one friend, lest you find your world turned upside and yourself at the center of a drama. I don't even think it's necessarily that you would care what people thought or said about you, so much as it is just the avoidance of a messy drama that you probably don't have time for. And if your kids are friends, there's a whole other thing, it just gets more and more involved. In a playgroup situation, it's not like you are going to 100% like everyone in the group, right? But you gravitate towards the ones you have common ties with and still remain 'friendly' with the other moms. I don't think men feel the social pressures as much as men on the friendship front.

Don't get me wrong, it's not always about genuine dislike. It could be that the woman just drives you crazy. That can be in a good way too. Maybe her craziness is what you like about her. But it still drives you crazy, nonetheless and you bitch about it anyway. My husband, who generally is a good sport, doesn't seek to continue friendships with people he either dislikes or who drive him ape shit. Because, well, what would be the point?

Do we, as woman, create social pressures regarding our friendships? Why do women put up with so much from our friends? Does this part in the movie make sense to you?!?!?!?!