Dear Child O' Mine

September 29, 2009

Child O' Mine

666 Damien Way

Getmethehelloutahere, USA

Dear Child O' Mine:

I am writing to you on official business. We need to discuss your listening skills, or lack thereof. Today, the birthday of one of your very best pals, brought about many fun things. We managed a very fun museum trip with a bunch of friends. While on said trip, you did very well, it was like nothing I had ever seen before. You listened, stayed with the group, and for once, I thought that maybe, just maybe, I was experiencing euphoria, parental euphoria.

And then, at soccer practice, it was more of the same. Too good to be true, I thought.

And theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen, dinner out. Oh, dinners out, how you are the enemy of this mother! Suddenly we were transported right back to the minute prior to the museum trip and your listening ears were replaced with your old selective hearing pair. Why is it so hard to sit your ass on the seat where it's supposed to be? Is it necessary to dump Parmesan cheese all over the table and try to lick it off? Does the family at the next booth really need frequent visits from you, peeking over the divider? Oh, and the keeping your hands to yourself thing - is totally necessary! Your best friends do not need to be put in a rear naked choke, this is not the UFC. (Please see your father in his office regarding this, as I am diverting this part to him.)

So, judging by the morning outings, I have proof that your ears do in fact work and that listening is within the realm of your possibilities. I am looking into suing for FRAUD if this non-listening representative keeps showing up in my life.

So please, for the love of all things holy, please at least humor me.

Thank you for your time and attention to this matter. I am looking forward to seeing more of this new-improved listening version of you.

Love,

Your Mother